In this flashback Episode I separated the two main elements from the Are vs Should Problem. The Bully is the ‘Shoulds’, those voices in your head telling you to do things a certain way, follow a specific path, or make a decision that jibes with an influential element in your life. In Part 2, I talk about the ‘are’ which I argue is inherent in our DNA.
The idea of ‘shoulds’ is pretty common in therapy. ‘Shoulds’ are things we tell ourselves we are ‘supposed’ to do, or have to do based on membership to some group or allegiance to some system of thinking and behaving.
You ‘should’ go to church every Sunday.
You ‘should’ forgive your partner for being a jerk.
You ‘should’ attend every single one of your kids’ soccer games.
You ‘should’ not eat a second piece of pie.
You ‘should’ think white people are better than nonwhite people.
You know what I mean. Some people even use the phrase ‘shouldding all over ourselves’ to describe how we beat ourselves up with the ‘shoulds’. This is a key element in self-help in learning how to be self-compassionate.
So in Part 1 of the Bully vs Your DNA mini series I talk all about the ‘shoulds’. Where they come from. What they mean. And why the aren’t really our true nature.
Being aware of, and even resisting the ‘shoulds’ is critical to personal growth and understanding who you really are.
I hope you enjoy this episode.
The original post with links to the full podcast audio and YouTube video is here: https://chrisburcher.com/2021/07/16/kew-episode-54-the-bully-and-your-dna-part-1/