Would you rather be RIGHT, or HAPPY? Think about it. How many times have you faced this situation: You disagree with someone. A spouse, a friend, or coworker. And instead of getting curious and trying to understand each other, you end up in a posturing match of who will more strongly defend your position. How often does that end well?
Yet we all do it, and continue to do it. Somehow DEFENDING our positions is more important to us than UNDERSTANDING each other.
I don’t know about you, but when I get defensive I know something is up. Getting defense usually means I’m afraid of something. Sometimes I’m just afraid I’m wrong, and it’s too late to reveal that, so I double down. Other times I’m afraid my beliefs are abnormal, so I try and change my mind or concede to my ‘opponent’. More often than not, I think we get defensive because we really don’t know what we’re talking about – at least we don’t know well enough to defend it.
It’s like they say about teaching. To teach someone something you REALLY have to understand the topic. Same thing with defending your position on an issue when having a disagreement. You probably haven’t really thought enough about whatever it is to defend it properly. And then we panic. And panic often comes out as conflict.
Wouldn’t it be cool if we could normalize understanding rather than defending?
Preview video link: https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=178817760441714
Original post with audio and video links here: https://chrisburcher.com/2020/10/02/kew-episode-23-whos-right/