FLASHBACK! KEW Episode 23: Who’s Right?

Would you rather be RIGHT, or HAPPY? Think about it. How many times have you faced this situation: You disagree with someone. A spouse, a friend, or coworker. And instead of getting curious and trying to understand each other, you end up in a posturing match of who will more strongly defend your position. How often does that end well?

Yet we all do it, and continue to do it. Somehow DEFENDING our positions is more important to us than UNDERSTANDING each other.

I don’t know about you, but when I get defensive I know something is up. Getting defense usually means I’m afraid of something. Sometimes I’m just afraid I’m wrong, and it’s too late to reveal that, so I double down. Other times I’m afraid my beliefs are abnormal, so I try and change my mind or concede to my ‘opponent’. More often than not, I think we get defensive because we really don’t know what we’re talking about – at least we don’t know well enough to defend it.

It’s like they say about teaching. To teach someone something you REALLY have to understand the topic. Same thing with defending your position on an issue when having a disagreement. You probably haven’t really thought enough about whatever it is to defend it properly. And then we panic. And panic often comes out as conflict.

Wouldn’t it be cool if we could normalize understanding rather than defending?

Preview video link: https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=178817760441714

Original post with audio and video links here: https://chrisburcher.com/2020/10/02/kew-episode-23-whos-right/

Preview KEW Episode 42: Safety

One of our basic human needs is to feel safe. I realized recently that I created my own safety as a kid in response to bullying. My thirteen-year-old self built a protective cocoon my bedroom filled with all the things I loved and valued. Maybe all teenagers do this, but looking back at those years I realized how necessary it was. Here’s this kid who’s feeling alone and isolated because he’s being bullied and doesn’t know how to do anything about it. So instead of getting depressed or acting out, he builds a place where he can feel safe, has value, and matters.

And though our lives change as we mature, those longings never go away. As an adult I an no longer bullied but carry the scars of isolation and reduced self-esteem. In some ways I have overcome those issues, yet in other ways I have not. And though i feel safe with my family and friends, I’d really like to feel the safety of my thirteen-year-old bedroom again.

It all makes me wonder, does our need for safety change as we age? Does it ever go away? Should it?

Preview video here: https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=353397339094032

Full episode Friday