Preview KEW Episode 66: Clarity

To compensate for the complexity (and length) of last weeks’ Episode title (Episode 65) I am coming out small this week.

Clarity.

Simple enough, right? But is it? Do we ever really get clarity? Or, is clarity a regular part of our lives, or are we more often stuck in a state of wondering what the hell is really going on?

I say it often that it amazes me we ever walk away from conversations knowing what transpired. Between what we think, what we actually say, the words we use, the way we’re perceived, the way the other person or people define these words, the various subjectivities. . . . .again, it’s a wonder we can even understand each other.

But we do. . . . generally. Of course, in couples or relationship therapy we learn ways to ensure we are heard correctly and that both parties fully understand one another. And this is critical in marriages or close relationships. But it’s probably important in general. But what does it look like, and what do we have to do to communicate better? To get clarity?

Full Episode this Friday, right here at KEW.

I’d also like to add a special shout out to one of my favorite sailing YouTube and Podcast channels The O’Kelly’s, who named their boat Clarity. Their homepage is here www.sailclarity.com. I’ve invited them on to interview but I think the logistics of recording video and audio remotely are quite challenging.

FLASHBACK! KEW Episode 23: Who’s Right?

Would you rather be RIGHT, or HAPPY? Think about it. How many times have you faced this situation: You disagree with someone. A spouse, a friend, or coworker. And instead of getting curious and trying to understand each other, you end up in a posturing match of who will more strongly defend your position. How often does that end well?

Yet we all do it, and continue to do it. Somehow DEFENDING our positions is more important to us than UNDERSTANDING each other.

I don’t know about you, but when I get defensive I know something is up. Getting defense usually means I’m afraid of something. Sometimes I’m just afraid I’m wrong, and it’s too late to reveal that, so I double down. Other times I’m afraid my beliefs are abnormal, so I try and change my mind or concede to my ‘opponent’. More often than not, I think we get defensive because we really don’t know what we’re talking about – at least we don’t know well enough to defend it.

It’s like they say about teaching. To teach someone something you REALLY have to understand the topic. Same thing with defending your position on an issue when having a disagreement. You probably haven’t really thought enough about whatever it is to defend it properly. And then we panic. And panic often comes out as conflict.

Wouldn’t it be cool if we could normalize understanding rather than defending?

Preview video link: https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=178817760441714

Original post with audio and video links here: https://chrisburcher.com/2020/10/02/kew-episode-23-whos-right/