Put your phone in ‘do not disturb’ mode forever

I struggle with people pleasing.

After over a decade of coaching and therapy, I understand how to manage my old belief that other people dictate my value. It is difficult for people pleasers to be accommodating and helpful without becoming a doormat. This is where boundaries come in.

I recently discovered a simple way to enforce one of my boundaries.

When I answer the phone I give the caller my full attention. When I hear the phone ring I am triggered to respond in a codependent way. It is one of those fight or flight responses where I am instantly called to action.

And as the owner and manager of 24 rental properties, I get a lot of phone calls. But you know what I realized? Exactly zero calls are true emergencies (thankfully). The downside to my reactivity and codependent nature is that I react as if 100% of the calls were emergencies. Because my reaction is so immediate, this type of boundary is the hardest for me to enforce.

Which is why I was so happy to discover the ‘Do Not Disturb’ feature on my phone.

I basically set up my phone to never alert me about anything, unless one of my family members calls or texts. That’s right. I receive no notifications whatsoever, except for my wife, mother, and 3 oldest daughters.

This set up makes it impossible for my phone to put mean in codependent mode.

It also puts control back in my hands. I can choose when to check for messages or see if someone needs something. I choose when I’m working. I choose when to respond and how to react. I implement a boundary on my interactions with people .

Sure, I am shifting responsibility to an inanimate object rather than dealing with things directly, but it is working for me. The realization that I am in control of my boundaries in this way has translated to other ways in my life.

When I am talking to anyone, including family, I now understand the need for boundaries. Do Not Disturb mode has been truly transformational. Instead of just figuring out a mechanism to help in one way, I am learning a new belief.

If you struggle with people pleasing, try this simple shift in your daily life and see whether it makes a difference for you.