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KEW The Are vs Should Interview Series: Antia Boyd

Do you struggle with relationships? I did for a long time. I went through a divorce in 2010 and that kickstarted an interesting adventure in dating and thinking about companionship in general. Luckily, I met a wonderful woman and remarried. But the five years I spent uncoupled were hard, to say the least. Antia Boyd helps women figure out why they struggle with relationships. Whether you struggle with relationships or not, there is universal learning…

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Preview KEW Episode 88: It Takes a Village

Have you ever heard anyone say, ‘it takes a village’? Man, I have. And I wish I understood earlier what they meant. When I was a full time stay-at-home dad, I felt totally isolated. My wife works 50+ hours a week. My parents were too old and far away to help. Her parents were too busy taking care of their other grandchildren. I wasn’t very good at navigating the moms at the playground or at…

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Preview KEW The Are vs Should Problem Interview Series: Antia Boyd

You know how some people are able to turn lemons into lemonade? That’s Antia Boyd. And it’s An-Tia, not A-nita. I was so excited to learn about how Antia’s work translates to the Are vs Should Problem. She came so well prepared to talk about her work empowering women to stop chasing the wrong partners. It turns out, her work and her expertise align perfectly with what I am trying to do with the Are…

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FLASHBACK! KEW Episode 8: Goals, Accolades, and the Meaning of Life

If you’re a parent you know that parenting is a thankless job. When I interviewed Pat Schulte, we talked about how the lack of accolades can be a problem for remote workers (BTW, you should go listen to that interview now. Pat is amazing.) And, more generally, it is these accolades and rewards we end up building our entire lives around. Let’s take just one reward: money. Jobs and making money are important, yes. To…

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KEW Episode 87: What Are You Afraid Of?

If you don’t like this question, you aren’t alone. Not many people like talking about, much less admitting, what they are afraid of. But I have found, in my work and over a decade meeting with therapists and coaches, that fear is a HUGE motivator. It turns out that a lot of our behaviors and beliefs are rooted in fears. In the Internal Family Systems model, we talk about ‘parts’ of ourselves that are born…

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FLASHBACK! KEW Episode 7: Maleness

Toxic masculinity. The #metoo movement. Sexual harassment throughout the headlines. Cancel culture. What is a person to do? Are the gender definitions changing? Surely they are. Most words and things do change (and in these two episodes I argue for why this is natural and critical: https://chrisburcher.com/2021/09/03/kew-episode-61-the-are-vs-should-problem-change-is-hard-but-resisting-change-is-wrong/, https://chrisburcher.com/2021/09/10/kew-episode-62-change-cont/), so why wouldn’t our definitions of masculinity, femininity, and everything in between? But I’m a male and that’s what I know and have at least a limited…

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KEW Episode 86: Mind Control

You’re probably like, ‘mind control, what’s this guy talking about?’ Either he’s going to tell us how we need to get in our heads and understand what’s going on, or he’s going to talk about how the algorithm has us under its spell. It reminds me of this scene from Monsters, Inc: This week I’m taking about the first thing. Although I’m a huge fan of getting out from under the algorithms, I think that…

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KEW The Are vs Should Problem Interview Series: Pat Schulte and Bumfuzzle

Analog nomads . . . . . When I decided to focus on the Are vs Should Problem, or the struggle between the person you ARE and the person you feel like you SHOULD BE, I was thinking mostly about the SHOULD part. To me, the issue isn’t so much about figuring out who we ARE, it’s more about telling the SHOULDs to be quiet. And figuring out how to do that. The AREs are…

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Preview KEW Episode 86: Mind Control

Mind control – not in the sense of someone controlling YOUR mind (hello, YouTube) but in the sense of YOU ‘controlling’ your own mind. And I use the term control very loosely. I do not like the connotation that we rule over our minds like some overlord. I think Mind Control is more like finding an opportunity for yourself to recognize what is going on with your mind. First things first. I think the ‘mind’…

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FLASHBACK! KEW Episode 6: Competition

Often touted as the thing that regulates Capitalism and prevents monopolies (ummm, Amazon.com?). Often brings out the worst in people (ever get in a fight over Monopoly the board game?). Often said to teach our children how to play fair (but check out the parents on the sidelines!). As a retired Ecologist and Evolutionary Biologist, I learned about competition as the thing that creates new species. It’s sort of why or how the whole evolution…

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