Do you remember the term ‘coping mechanisms’? We used to hear this phrase often, usually when people were referring to our bad habits. Like, smoking is a coping mechanism for stress. Avoiding conflict is a coping mechanism for people who don’t want to get involved. Denial is a popular coping mechanism for avoiding hurtful truths. Though the term ‘coping mechanism’ has sort of gone out of style, we still talk about the same phenomenon. We…
The Are vs. Should problem is unfolding before our eyes right here at KEW, on YouTube, and your favorite podcast server. The next step for me, and hopefully you will find this helpful, is to lay out the philosophical personalities of the Are and Should elements of ourselves. To me, the Should part can best be described as a bully, and the Are part best described as your DNA. Bullies get their way. Bullies continue…
As I navigate through the ‘Are vs. Should’ Problem‘ I see an initial split as we start to unpack our personal inventories. If we first have to lay out all the elements of our lives for inspection and understanding, it becomes obvious that there are (at least) two types of elements to consider. I’m calling these ‘hard’ and ‘soft’ elements, and they are defined within their respective realities. I’m not trying to make this esoteric…
I mean, really, who are you? No, I mean, really, who are you? Who Am I? Do we know? Do we care? I, for one, think it is important, even CRITICAL to know who I am, and presumably, for you to know who you are. I’m sure there are people out there who disagree with me, but I really can’t get my head into that space nor do I think those folks are coming here…
We hear these terms a lot. He’s a narcissist. She’s being codependent. I would guess that these are two of the most common psychological terms used in everyday conversation. And I’d also bet, that many people use these terms very loosely and maybe even inaccurately. Like a lot of things, do we really know what these words mean? I guess as long as we’re all on the same page, or close, it doesn’t matter. So…
As I move toward Episode 50 and what I hope to be a major shift in what I’m working toward with KEW, I realize how important Unlearning is. How do we KNOW if we REALLY know what we THINK we know? Well, we don’t. But we can think about it. And unlearning comes in to play as a necessary ‘next step’ for those of us who have ever asked this kind of question. Or questions…
In this Episode I tried to get at what our ‘soul’ is. I’m not sure I succeeded, but I think we all can agree that there’s a part of us that can’t really be identified. The soul is not our mind, it’s not our brain, it’s not our ‘self’ (whatever that is, see Episode 34 for my attempt at defining Self), it’s . . . something else. Sometimes I think the soul is real, other…
I am currently working on a larger project that will connect my background in Ecology and Evolutionary Biology with personal growth, psychology, and finding more joy and fulfillment in our lives. In Episode 43 I introduce some evolutionary evidence that every individual human is born to discover their uniqueness (despite how ‘woo woo’ that sounds), and how NOT doing so goes against evolutionary theory. I didn’t coin the term Unnatural Selection. People have used it,…
After my divorce I did some serious soul searching (and therapy) to figure out what happened. I accepted that both parties played a part in the divorce and wanted to understand what happened. Multiple lines of evidence support that my ex-wife became narcissistic and I became codependent. Now, I’m not saying ‘she is narcissistic’ or ‘I am codependent’, but our relationship brought out these personality traits and made them pretty severe. I think many people…
Following up the Soul episode (KEW Episode 33) with a discussion of the Self. What is the self? I have been doing some work with a coach who is helping me understand the different parts of my psyche. Sound crazy? It isn’t. I am starting to believe that our ‘personalities’ or our ‘selves’ are comprised of myriad little parts. These parts are like characters or roles we play at different times in our lives and…