KEW Curiosity Interview Series 10: Chris Burcher

This is the final episode in the Knowledge + Experience = Wisdom Curiosity series. I really didn’t know what I was getting myself into, whether I’d be a good interviewer, or whether people I did, or didn’t know, would have anything interesting to say about Curiosity. Well, I learned a TON about myself and about curiosity, and I hope that these interviews stimulate Curiosity in others.

I only knew one of the interviewees personally, and I we had really just met. And I knew little, if anything about the other eight. These interviews represent two people meeting, for the first time mostly, and having a conversation about whatever came to mind and using Curiosity as a starting point.

I was amazed to get so many points of view about what I thought was a pretty straightforward subject. Turns out, Curiosity is a complex idea and a word that means many things to different people. It makes me wonder if most words are like that, or if most things have a more discreet definition.

Of course Curiosity is about wanting to know things, but I was surprised to hear several people say that Curiosity is innate; we are born with a ‘ravenous’ Curiosity (according to Bernhard Kutzler, with whom I now agree). This makes me wonder, then, why we aren’t as curious when we get older? Dana Humphrey suggests it could be because curiosity often stimulates ACTION, and that taking action requires courage. Are we afraid of being curious? Fascinating.

Some folks seem to live in a world that is literally FULL of curiosity. David McRaney, for example, says he has never been bored, or never NOT been curious! And I know from experience, and several interviewees agreed, that being curious is what helps motivate me to get out of bed in the morning. So, it seems Curiosity is a GOOD thing, at least, despite potentially requiring some scary actions sometimes.

Several key elements of being human were brought up by other interviewees. There was a theme of how important it is to love yourself first and to not listen to the ‘roommate’ voice in your head trying to beat you up. It seems the state of being Curious requires a ‘healthy life’, both mentally and physically, to allow the Curiosity to blossom. And maybe this gets at how Curiosity can be ‘expressed’ into action, or held in our minds as mental wonder.

But this theme that Curiosity, both as a mental construct and as a DOING in the world, seems important. And from this series I conclude that Curiosity is a natural part of being human, and that it is CRITICAL that we nurture a curiosity to maintain health, or to ward of a state of dis-ease. Curiosity, somehow, is pushed to the side as we age and we must consciously make an effort to maintain a Curious state of mind if we want to live full lives. It is clear to me now that maintaining a healthy Curiosity is as important as being kind to yourself or practicing daily meditation or similar habits.

There is much more to be understood, but I truly appreciate the knowledge shared and created during these interviews and for the time each person shared with us. I hope you enjoy listening and that you hear or see something that makes you Curious.

Curiosity Interview Series 1: Paul Gadola

Curiosity Interview Series 2: Mandy Napier

Curiosity Interview Series 3: DJ Doran

Curiosity Interview Series 4: David McRaney

Curiosity Interview Series 5: Dana Humphrey

Curiosity Interview Series 6: Dan Faill

Curiosity Interview Series 7: Dan Tassone

Curiosity Interview Series 8: Bernhard Kutzler

Curiosity Interview Series 9: Marcas Hemmila

Direct link to podcast audio download: https://pdcn.co/e/https://chtbl.com/track/CGDA9D/www.buzzsprout.com/530563/8649725-kew-curiosity-interview-series-10-chris-burcher.mp3?download=true

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Direct link to YouTube video: https://youtu.be/tumaCgvcNto

KEW Episode 49: Who Are You?

I mean, really, who are you?

No, I mean, really, who are you?

Who Am I?

Do we know?

Do we care?

I, for one, think it is important, even CRITICAL to know who I am, and presumably, for you to know who you are. I’m sure there are people out there who disagree with me, but I really can’t get my head into that space nor do I think those folks are coming here to read my blog. But I am very interested in knowing about people who never ask questions like, “Who Am I?” or “Why Am I Here?”. Of course, I’m more interested in folks like us.

And, truly, the “Who Are You” question is at the head of most personal growth, self help, therapy, or naval gazing endeavors. To understand what you need, what you want, what you want to do, or anything like that, you have to start with something. You have to start somewhere. You have to start with YOU.

I’m certainly not the first one to suggest that.

Like many things, figuring out who you are sounds super easy and impossible at the same time. I mean, who knows you better than you? But how well is that? Even if you know yourself way better than your friends do, how well do they really know you? And how well CAN they really know you, if YOU don’t know you. Man, this gets hard quick.

But just breathe for a minute. Let’s not overcomplicate this. All I’m saying is that to move forward, we might have to move backwards. If we don’t know ourselves as well as we think we do (I know I don’t), we probably have to start there. And as I said in Episode 48: Unlearning, we have to forget a few things we got wrong prior to moving forward. Kind of like wiping the slate clean.

As I suggested in Episode 47: Values, part of knowing yourself is knowing what you value and what is driving you through this thing called life. I think we can, in part, define ourselves by our motivations and intrinsic passion.

Who you are is a huge question. And, like soooo many things, I don’t think the answer is that important. It’s not about knowing, definitively, who you are. After all, that’s going to change through time. More important is being on a known path toward generating answers and evidence and support for who you are. The path what illuminates the preferred and minimizes the unwanted elements of life. Who you are is in huge part who you AREN’T and only through investigation and interrogation will you reveal either light or dark.

In other words, this seemingly straightforward-yet-super-complicated question is entirely about the journey; the pathway toward. . . . . what, exactly? Enlightenment? Awareness? Living a better life? All of that. And more.

I hope you enjoy this episode leading up to my 50th Episode in two weeks. Next week will be the 10th and final installment in the Curiosity series. I am looking forward to the future and thank you for being a part of the journey.

Podcast audio download here: https://pdcn.co/e/https://chtbl.com/track/CGDA9D/www.buzzsprout.com/530563/8631697-kew-episode-49-who-are-you.mp3?download=true

Or simply subscribe to Knowledge + Experience = Wisdom on Stitcher, Spotify, Apple Play, Google Podcast or your favorite app.

YouTube video here: https://youtu.be/1F1uFaX8RP0

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FLASHBACK! KEW Episode 36: Narcissism & Codependency

We hear these terms a lot. He’s a narcissist. She’s being codependent. I would guess that these are two of the most common psychological terms used in everyday conversation. And I’d also bet, that many people use these terms very loosely and maybe even inaccurately. Like a lot of things, do we really know what these words mean? I guess as long as we’re all on the same page, or close, it doesn’t matter. So in this episode I use the terms loosely, like I hear them used in casual conversation.

We think of narcissists as being incredibly selfish, obsessed with their looks, and attracted to people who make them feel important. Narcissistic people are generally viewed with disdain and contempt and relationships with narcissists are viewed as unhealthy.

Extreme selfishness is easy to spot when someone bullies or abuses another, but mild narcissism is hard to differentiate. In fact, therapists teach that it is important to ‘put yourself first’ and ‘get your needs met’. So what’s the difference in someone who has a healthy self awareness and someone who is narcissistic?

Similarly, we are taught to have empathy for others and to provide help when we can. It is considered healthy to be of service to your family and community. Being a nurturing person is valued in most cultures, and being a caring person is considered a good quality; especially in a relationship. However, if you care ‘too much’, or let people take advantage of your caring nature, this is considered a fault. How do you know if you have the ‘right amount’ of consideration for others?

The fear is, being too selfish makes you a narcissistic a$$hole and being too nurturing makes you a codependent doormat. Certainly, in relationships these behaviors can intensify toward those endpoints if you’re not careful.

In this episode I share what I learned from my first marriage and the resulting divorce with respect to narcissistic and codependent tendencies, and the combination in relationships.

Original post with links to full audio and video: https://chrisburcher.com/2021/01/01/kew-episode-36-narcissism-codependency/

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Preview KEW Episode 46: Values

This week I share my story about identifying my values. Identifying values is one of those things that sounds easy, but is not simple. Sure, anyone can sit down with some online tools (like James Clear’s Life Lessons values journal), but it’s deceptively difficult to REALLY drill down to your personal values.

On the surface values are things like love, joy, safety, and other intangibles that motivate you to live your life. Values are things we strive for or consider important in our lives.

I spent nearly ten years on the surface of my values. While I had a vague idea what the things I valued were, I didn’t really understand the importance of knowing my values, and how to use that knowledge.

I’ll share how I ACTUALLY learned to identify my values, a bit about our ‘secret’ values, and why you will benefit from knowing about yours.

Preview video here: https://fb.watch/4ZHxDOMjlG/

Full episode right here this Friday.