KEW Episode 10: Connectedness

We are all connected. To everything. To each other. To trees. To arsenic. To seemingly brainless, boneless mollusks. Whether we get that or not is critical to our place on earth. In this episode I share several lines of evidence I’ve learned in my life that support this theory. Feel free to show me where I’m wrong!

There has never been a more critical time to understand this concept and I welcome a discourse on the subject.

Podcast audio here (or your favorite podcast service):

Youtube video:

Preview Episode 10: Connectedness coming Friday June, 26

We ARE ALL connected. Whether you believe it or not. Today more than ever it is critical we move toward understanding that ‘fact’. Here I present multiple lines of evidence explaining why I believe all things are connected including a story about me talking to a cuttlefish.

We are more alike than we are different. The particles that make up our bodies have a history. Perspective is everything.

KEW Episode 9: Old Beliefs

You know these things. They’re opinions and ideas that you have, but don’t really know where they came from. They tend to repeat themselves and ultimately contribute to what we call personality. We didn’t really learn them in the classic way. No one told us X and Y. Really what happens is we develop a coping mechanism to deal with some stressful situation. Talking in public. Asking for help. Being bullied. We come up with some response that takes the pain away, helps us avoid the situation, or makes us feel better.

These strategies get repeated because our bodies and mind learn that when a negative situation arises, we can plug in these responses, and things will get better. When that process works enough times it gets imprinted in our psyche and becomes a belief.

Problem is, as we age our lives change and many of these strategies not only stop working, they can produce negative results. But the imprinting through repetition process is so strong the beliefs become so cemented we don’t even realize they’re happening. This can lead to people pleasing, narcissism, addiction, and so many of the common issues we suffer from as adults.

Here I share my experiences and what I’ve learned through research (knowledge) and application of years of therapy (experience) as well as several ideas to help us all recover from the negative impacts that come from Old Beliefs.

Podcast audio:

Youtube video:

Tomorrow! Episode 9: Old Beliefs

Have you ever found yourself reacting to a situation in almost a robotic, preprogrammed way and wondered why? I have learned that a lot of our reactions stem from childhood events where we learned a strategy to avoid discomfort or fear. Like when we learned to people please to avoid conflict. Or to be funny to avoid being picked on. These are Old Beliefs and I talk more about what they are, why they form, how they can hurt us as adults, and a few strategies to move passed them. Coming Friday Juneteenth.

Episode 8: Goals, Accolades, and the Meaning of Life?

I struggle with getting praise for my accomplishments. Earning money, having a ‘good job’, winning trophies, making people like you, achieving, getting good grades – so much of life is tied to ‘chasing carrots’ to earn accolades.

In my youth my accolades were mostly self-realized. I was such a loner I had to learn to praise myself and realize my own accomplishments. These achievements were measured in things like satisfaction and happiness. But somewhere along the lines I switched over to external gratification and fell into a pretty big trap where I could never achieve enough to get enough praise to feel good about myself.

Those scenarios area little exaggerated, but you get the point.

As I age I realize my youthful naïveté was a better modus operandi. Now I am trying to relearn how to ‘esteem myself’ and appreciate my achievements from within myself and my close friends and family.

I argue that society goes through similar cycles and recent events put us right in the crosshairs for some serious self-reflection about what we really want out of life.

Podcast audio:

Youtube video:

Preview KEW Episode 8: Goals, Accolades, and the Meaning of Life? (Full Episode Friday)

I am fairly goal oriented and have chased accolades at various times in my life. I fell into the trap of ‘other praise’ in my academic career. Early on it was easy to achieve and have the world tell me I was ok. As a professor these accolades became rarer, and my ego/self esteem suffered. Somewhere I remembered that it is important to ‘esteem ourselves’ rather than wait for others to do it. And I retired to be a stay at home dad, but that’s another story.

Parenting is a good example of learning to recognize our own achievements rather than wanting others to do so. There aren’t many awards for ‘dad or mom of the year’ despite many humorous coffee cups. As parents we have to tell ourselves we are ‘ok’ rather than others. In fact, in the age of social media there is way more parental shame than praise peer-to-peer.

Anyway, this episode is about why accolade seeking can be a trap (e.g., money) and why we need to remember to find rewards within.

preview video on facebook or instagram

KEW Episode 7: Maleness

I wanted to share my take on what it means to be male. From blue balls to machismo I call out a few outdated (IMHO) concepts and call on men to do better than some of us have in the past. I really don’t understand how some men have gotten away with so much over the years . . . . .

I believe in equality, or equitable-ness, or equanimity, or some world where relationships among the continuum of genders are fair, balanced, and don’t have scripted roles where, generally, one partner eats all the shit while the other sits on the throne.

Podcast audio at many of your favorite servers or here:

KEW Episode 7: Maleness

And Youtube video here:

KEW Episode 7 Preview: Maleness (posting this Friday)

Not masculinity, maleness. What is it like being male. For me, anyway. My observations of ’50s dads’ and ‘typical males’ and arguments for more equality in heterosexual (and possibly others, but I just don’t have that experience) relationships. My thoughts about being a male, our responsibilities to all genders, our roles as fathers, and on getting along in the world.

I call out stupid behavior I see other males getting away with and question whether we should be putting up with this crap (seems like we aren’t as much as we did in, say, the fifties). I throw to some calls to action for dumb male behavior and explain why I do some of the things I do.

Definitely a theme I will continue on KEW and hope to hear from you (positive and negative) about how my viewpoints fit in with the new masculinity.