Knowledge + Experience = Wisdom helps people realize their unique importance. Using my knowledge of Ecology and Evolutionary Biology, my experience with therapy, coaching, somatic healing, and personal growth I create products to help you discover, develop, and express the elements of your identity critical to your health and your contribution to our world. My goal is to research, develop, and disseminate these materials so that every individual can reconnect with their uniqueness, realize their passion and purpose, and live the life they were born to live.
I can’t wait for you to watch or listen to this weeks’ Curiosity interview. Dan Faill is one of those guys we can all learn from AND you’ll have a blast while you learn. After a successful career helping college students navigate greek life, Dan has transitioned to full time keynote speaker. He shares his knowledge, experience, and wisdom with us to help improve our lives.
Dan is not afraid of the tough topics, rather he EMBRACES them in ways that make us comfortable with the uncomfortable.
You will find links to all of Dan’s work here, and he has a glorious social media presence.
In Episode 32: Work/Life Balance I shared my thoughts about how to find time to meet all the various needs we have. In this episode I want to focus specifically on balancing time spent working toward our careers with time spent with our families. And for those of you without spouses or kids, your family can be your parents, siblings, friends, coworkers or any other people you value and spend time with.
The main career/family issue I see in nearly all of the Americans I know is the stress associated with spending too much time ‘working’ and not enough time with ‘family’. Now these categories are pretty broad and can be broken down into the values associated with each. ‘Career’ generally means earning enough money to ‘be happy’ or to pay our bills, not have to worry about having food on the table, and making sure all family members have most of what they need within reason. The ‘Family’ category usually means being able to spend time with loved ones so that we don’t miss out on important moments (first steps, birthdays, sunsets) nor feel guilty about missing these moments. So work is really full of other values like safety, protection, health, wealth, and feeling valued. Similar, family is comprised of things like love, safety, comfort, and joy.
I think the problem arises from two basic issues: 1) work, or career, demands too much of our time, and 2) we feel guilty, sad, or devalued when we feel like we don’t have enough time for love. I have talked at length about both of these issues in other episodes, but in short the American career ideal does, indeed, demand too much of our time which I think is most of the problem. Couple that with the idea that, the higher your salary the higher the expectations of time dedicated to work then we have a huge problem for those earning a comfortable living. The wealthier you are, the more likely that the working member of the household will miss out on family time.
The good news is, by identifying your values – especially those associated with career and family – you can identify mechanisms for adjustment. Something as simple as reexamining your budget can reveal how much money your family really needs to be content. And maybe you don’t need to earn $200k a year and work 70 hours a week. Maybe changing careers is a viable solution.Similarly, maybe your spouse feels unsafe without a large retirement savings. Maybe you agree to work as hard as possible for a few years and THEN make a change.
The hardest thing to change with respect to all of these values (money, safety, time spent with family, love, etc.) is your job. Your employer will almost always dictate how much time you will spend working both in the office and at home on your phone or computer. This is hard to change because you could lose your job. BUT, you could become an entrepreneur and work for yourself (although sometimes this is worse with respect to time). You could change careers. You could split time with your spouse and both work part time, though sometimes insurance is difficult in this situation. The point is, your employer will largely dictate your work situation, though there is some flexibility if you are willing to take risks.
The rest of the values can be manipulated. If you work too much and are missing family time, you can develop and schedule time to spend together and make this a CRITICAL secondary priority. You can learn to accept your career time commitments and ‘work with what you have’. You can thoroughly examine the time you spend working at home and think about creative ways to minimize this. Do you really need to answer emails at 9 PM? Can some things wait until the morning or office time?
I don’t think we spend enough time micro-managing our time and looking at the small ways to shift career time to family time. We believe we are helpless victims of our employers. I believe career constraints can be boiled down to a list of absolutes, maybes, and potential nos. This processes can free up small bits of time that add up to being able to have lunch with your spouse once a week to check in, to take your kids to school, or other opportunities. We just forget we have more control than we think.
I hope this episode reminds you of the power you have to control your time and to find small ways to improve your career/family balance. Please share your ideas below.
I hope you are enjoying this interview series as much as I am. Dana reached out to me because talking about curiosity sounded interesting to her. And she has some new and interesting points to make about the importance of curiosity in our lives. It’s so much fun to listen to other peoples thoughts about how being curious is important to them. We are all unique, and even a simple topic like curiosity can be very diverse.
Danas’ specialty is helping people realize their self worth and to learn better self love practices. She offers several coaching and learning programs to help you move away from imposter syndrome or feeling ‘not good enough’ toward a happier and more relaxed life. She embodies creativity and has some really cool stories about her interests in art and magic. I can totally picture her leading a self love meditation at burning man.
What I find fascinating about Dana is she is leaving behind a successful pet business to follow her purpose. In helping people understand their relationships with their pets (you can find her book, EmBARKing Down the Lease of Codependency here) she realized her role was much bigger. Now she provides guidance and leadership to help us find peace and contentment in all aspects of our lives.
As someone who struggled with codependency, I appreciate Danas’ elegant approach. As she says, we don’t really need much to exist in this world as humans, but without believing in ourselves our lives are not as full. And, moreover, by accepting ourselves for who we are we can reach the highest level of contentment and joy.
You can find out about Danas’ programs and background on her website, but this interview gives you a real look into who she is, how she operates, and what she finds to be most important with respect to self love. I found myself terrifically relaxed listening to her talk. She is not rushed and you can almost see her calmness – and it’s contagious. It is obvious she is good at what she does and I have no doubt a person can find great wisdom in her teachings.
I was extremely fortunate to have our paths cross and know you will learn something from our chat.
Dana Humphrey (www.danahumphrey.com) can help you transform from being codependent to being independent. Already a successful entrepreneur, Dana has shifted to coaching others to live their best lives by realizing their self worth and focusing on loving ourselves more. She’s an amazing woman and shares with us a simple approach to living a better life.
One of Danas’ central tenets is loving ourselves and focusing on self care. She shares her wisdom of her struggles and how she has realized, and come to embody, a routine of love and awareness. We can all do better at not beating ourselves up and there is a lot to learn in this interview.
Full audio and video episodes this Friday right here at K+E=W.
David McRaney is the host of the podcast “You Are Not So Smart”, the author of a book by the same name, a follow up book called “You Are Now Less Dumb”, and is writing his next book about how humans change their minds. His website https://youarenotsosmart.com is so FULL of content that it would be something you’d want to take to a desert island because you’d have a lifetime’s worth of entertainment to make you curious.
With a background in both journalism and psychology, David THOROUGHLY researches his topics and then interviews the experts on those subjects. He’s a better researcher than most of the academics I used to work with, he understands psychology better than some therapists I’ve known, and he has a knack for funneling complex subjects into everyday language so that anyone can understand and appreciate them.
And what a gift for us. Anyone interested in the human condition, general psychology, self-help, science, you name it – or anyone just curious about living a human life – David has addressed and eloquently summarized for your enjoyment.
I was so lucky to have captured an hour or so of his time and to be able to hear him talk about curiosity in the context of his life experience, knowledge, and wisdom. I’m sure you will find something that makes you curious in this interview because it covers a lot in a fairly short time. I hope you enjoy learning about the man behind the research. David McRaney.
A few years ago someone randomly suggested I listen to a cool podcast called “You Are Not So Smart”. I was a bit insulted, thinking they were trying to tell me something, but I felt more curious than anything. I had to know what this was all about. So way before I started KEW I listened to David McRaney and “You Are Not So Smart”. I was immediately impressed by how well researched and knowledgeable he was about his guests and the topics.
Mr. McRaney isn’t out to insult anyone. He’s just being honest. We AREN’T as smart as we think we are. And rather than leave it at a humorous title, he walks us through all the different ways we trip over ourselves or fall short on our path to understanding. From cognitive biases, irrational thinking, and just plain human B.S. David intricately dissects universal issues that complicate the human experience. And he goes straight to the horses mouth by interviewing the very experts who often have coined the phrases or started the movements he discusses. All this because, as David says, “Being a person is incredible”.
David’s website houses all of his materials including two books, his podcast, and the hugely expansive supporting material. I highly recommend you spend some time there.
In hindsight the title of this Episode might not have been the best idea, but my intentions are good. Here I share with you some of my imperfections and struggles in hopes that you can relate. We are so good at beating ourselves up, but here I try to view my flaws with compassion and to be held accountable for my self improvement.
Most of us are on some sort of journey toward becoming better people, and KEW is my attempt to document my own journey for you to relate to. As I argue in Episode 43: Diversity and Uniqueness, our unique journeys are critical to human evolution and it is our duty to discover who we are.
I met DJ Doran when he reached out to interview me about my podcast. We hit it off rather quickly, and of course I had to have him on to discuss Curiosity.
In fact, the whole Curiosity interview series was inspired by DJ!
See, DJ told me my podcast made him curious, and he’s a very curious guy as you’ll see. And I realized that I am driven, in large part, by curiosity. It’s in my daily life, it’s in my music, and it’s in KEW. But I had never thought about it, and certainly hadn’t realized it.
DJ is an amazing guy. After a successful career as a pilot in the Air Force Reserves, he has become a leader and visionary in the LGBTQ community. He has lived on a sailboat. He has a daughter. He’s the model of professionalism, yet super laid back. He’s knowledgeable as hell, but maintains a natural curiosity about the world around us.
Curiosity is funny like that. It isn’t obvious. Some people have it and others don’t seem to care. For people like DJ and me, we sort of automatically bring curiosity into our daily endeavors. We can’t help it. It’s natural. And, as DJ will explain, curiosity can be very nuanced.
Curiosity can be brave. It can be scary. And it carries with it a certain responsibility to grow.
Curiosity can reveal who your real friends are. It is our ally.
But I’m letting my curiosity be too verbose.
To maintain the organic nature of our chat, I include the entire conversation here. I apologize for my audio, which is distorted, but DJ sounds great.
Please explore DJ’s work. You can find links to most of what he does on his facebook site(his podcast) and at Aequalitas media (his media company).
I hope you enjoy listening to or watching the interview as much as we did doing it.
Time. It’s our most valuable resource, yet for half our lives we think we have enough. Hell, we think we’re immortal for a good part of our lives, as if we have all the time in the world. Youth, is wasted on the young; retirement, on the old. But all of that is just to say we’re human. We suffer.
And as I talk about in Episode 37: The Currency of Life, Time is a resource. It’s something we SPEND. We spend our time doing x, y, z. We spend it at work. We spend it in traffic. Hopefully, we spend some doing things we love. We exchange time for money, to buy things to do with our time. Then we don’t have any time to do those things because we want more money. And so on, and so on.
“There was once a businessman who was sitting by the beach in a small Brazilian village. As he sat, he saw a Brazilian fisherman rowing a small boat towards the shore having caught quite few big fish.The businessman was impressed and asked the fisherman, “How long does it take you to catch so many fish?” The fisherman replied, “Oh, just a short while.” “Then why don’t you stay longer at sea and catch even more?” The businessman was astonished. “This is enough to feed my whole family,” the fisherman said. The businessman then asked, “So, what do you do for the rest of the day?” The fisherman replied, “Well, I usually wake up early in the morning, go out to sea and catch a few fish, then go back and play with my kids. In the afternoon, I take a nap with my wife, and evening comes, I join my buddies in the village for a drink — we play guitar, sing and dance throughout the night.” The businessman offered a suggestion to the fisherman.“ I am a PhD in business management. I could help you to become a more successful person. From now on, you should spend more time at sea and try to catch as many fish as possible. When you have saved enough money, you could buy a bigger boat and catch even more fish. Soon you will be able to afford to buy more boats, set up your own company, your own production plant for canned food and distribution network. By then, you will have moved out of this village and to Sao Paulo, where you can set up HQ to manage your other branches.” The fisherman continues, “And after that?” The businessman laughs heartily, “After that, you can live like a king in your own house, and when the time is right, you can go public and float your shares in the Stock Exchange, and you will be rich.” The fisherman asks, “And after that?” The businessman says, “After that, you can finally retire, you can move to a house by the fishing village, wake up early in the morning, catch a few fish, then return home to play with kids, have a nice afternoon nap with your wife, and when evening comes, you can join your buddies for a drink, play the guitar, sing and dance throughout the night!” The fisherman was puzzled, “Isn’t that what I am doing now?”
What would you rather be spending your time doing?
Time IS limited, and what you do with yours can make or break how you feel when you die. I often think about how I will feel on my proverbial deathbed (if I’m lucky enough to go out with a minute to ponder such things). What will I think of how I spent my time?
I am so lucky to have met Mandy Napier. I stumbled upon her when Google searching for Curiosity. She had published an article called “Why Curiosity is the Essential Skill to Build Right Now“. I reached out to her, thinking she could share with us how Curiosity had influenced her life. The results are beyond my expectations.
Mandy is a champion ironman competitor and has represented Australia in international competition. When forced to give up her sport, she turned inward to ‘figure herself out’ and learn how to get unstuck. Now she shares her mastery by helping others unstick themselves. Through the vehicle of curiosity this interview will inspire you to achieve for yourself.