KEW Episode 46: Values

In just about any kind of self help endeavor you will be asked to identify your values. While this sounds pretty easy, the process is far from simple. Turns out we like a lot of stuff. We ‘value’ many things. The trick is determining your top 3-5 values that truly drive you to live your life.

Over the course of ten years of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), or talk therapy, I read and heard a lot about values, but it wasn’t until I put some real effort in that I discovered the, well, VALUE, of my values.

So what exactly ARE values, then?

There are lots of definitions, but here’s one I lifted randomly from http://www.mindtools.com (I’m paraphrasing):

Values are things you believe are important in the way you live your life. Values determine your priorities and are a source of motivation.

That’s pretty good, but there are some easy-to-miss key points.

You BELIEVE values are important. Values are subjective and unique to you. YOU decide what they are. Values can be revealed by thinking about what you LIKE, or don’t like.

Values are things you prioritize; either consciously or subconsciously. Values can be identified by thinking about things you DO, or don’t do.

Values motivate you. Values are things that make you feel excited to get out of bed in the morning. Or, things you don’t value or want to do can make you wanna pull the covers up and go back to sleep.

There are TONS of resources on the inter webs that can help you identify your values, but all of these methods are deceptively simple. The KEY is to go through multiple iterations, take breaks, and to do some sort of ranking. I estimate I put in nearly ten hours of writing, thinking, journalling, rearranging, ranking, and repeating to get down to my set of 4 values.

There’s also a tricky side to values. Being humans, we tend to focus on things we consider to be ‘good’ and ‘healthy’ when considering our values. There are also values, many call ‘SHADOW values’ that also motivate you, help you prioritize, and reflect the things you do.

However, shadow values, at least on the surface, might not be something you’d be comfortable sharing with others.

Shadow values can be things like having a lot of money, being powerful, having people obey your word, being the center of attention, or wanting people to behave in ways that make you happy.

But the reason shadow values are beneficial are twofold: 1) They help you understand the darker side of your motivations and can help you achieve your goals and be your best self by embracing ALL of your characteristics, and 2) can almost always be softened to see the non-selfish attributes of seemingly nefarious concepts or intangible ideas.

For example. Being motivated by money doesn’t necessarily mean you are evil or Scrooge-like. Knowing you want to be wealthy can reflect a need for safety or a desire to protect your family. See how we can flip something that seems narcissistic to something that comes from a better part of your self?

The purpose of values and shadow values is to create a list of motivating factors critical to your life. I wrote mine down and keep them in several places to remind myself of why I do what I do. My values have become a tool I use to direct all of my personal growth and spiritual work. Knowing, and truly understanding my values, has enabled me to focus and to think less about things that don’t show up on that list. In short, this has made my life easier.

Much more in this episode, I hope you find this useful.

Full podcast audio download here: https://pdcn.co/e/https://chtbl.com/track/CGDA9D/www.buzzsprout.com/530563/8377792-kew-episode-46-values.mp3?blob_id=38127154&download=true

or please subscribe to my podcast on your favorite app.

Full YouTube video here: https://youtu.be/ic6DJN_J_q8

KEW Curiosity Series Interview 2: Mandy Napier

Mandy Napier resides in Australia where she shares her thirteen years of experience as the ‘mindset alchemist’, a high performance mindset and executive coach (and via zoom, obviously). She has represented Australia in the international Iron Man competition in Hawaii. After being forced to give up her sport, she focused on getting herself unstuck. She now shares how she did it directly with clients, via several books including, “Creating Healthy Life Habits“, and in myriad articles and videos. You can find all of that and more on her website Mindset for Success.

I learned about Mandy when I started Googling people who seemed Curious. I stumbled upon an article she wrote “Why Curiosity is the Essential Skill to Build Right Now“, which I thought was a screaming testimonial to the importance of being curious. She appeared to be well versed in coaching, neuroscience, and psychology. Her writing was convincing, and she quoted Einstein. And upon my invitation she agreed to an interview!

The interview stumbled a bit at first due to internet issues on my end, and I had to relocate to my bathroom, of all places, to get a better connection. Mandy waited and remained unphased, which somehow rubbed off on me. Normally I could have let something like that throw me. This was, after all my first interview with someone I didn’t know. Her energy is intoxicating. Her confidence is obvious. And she is enthusiastic to help people change. The interview was, as you’ll see, pretty amazing.

Full disclosure, I enjoyed Mandy so much that I am now a client. In few weeks she has taken me farther than years of Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT, talk therapy). Mandy has a system. A well earned, tested, and authentic set of tools to take control of your life and get unstuck. So far, so good.

You will take something away from what Mandy shares here. Mandy is every bit the ‘Iron Woman’ she always was, but now she can help you change YOUR life. Please check out her links, her articles, her videos, and reach out to her if you are looking for help. Especially if you are currently doing therapy or in a program that doesn’t seem to be helping. Enjoy, and thanks for watching or listening.

Podcast audio download here: https://pdcn.co/e/https://chtbl.com/track/CGDA9D/www.buzzsprout.com/530563/7930585-kew-curiosity-interview-series-2-mandy-napier.mp3?blob_id=35470180&download=true or via your favorite podcast app.

YouTube video here: https://youtu.be/EBPEPqu71Gw

Preview KEW Curiosity series: Mandy Napier

I am so lucky to have met Mandy Napier. I stumbled upon her when Google searching for Curiosity. She had published an article called “Why Curiosity is the Essential Skill to Build Right Now“. I reached out to her, thinking she could share with us how Curiosity had influenced her life. The results are beyond my expectations.

Mandy is a champion ironman competitor and has represented Australia in international competition. When forced to give up her sport, she turned inward to ‘figure herself out’ and learn how to get unstuck. Now she shares her mastery by helping others unstick themselves. Through the vehicle of curiosity this interview will inspire you to achieve for yourself.

Preview video here: https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=266160138241179

Full Episode coming this Friday to http://www.chrisburcher.com

Mandy’s website/homebase: Mindset For Success