Do other people ever make you angry? I’d be worried about you if you said no. Or assume you are the Dalai Lama. Many of us struggle to find connections to people we disagree with. Or people who act out, are annoying, or mean. I preach a lot about how we are all connected, and how we need to love one another and participate in our communities. But it is so very hard, sometimes, to love…
Ok, I know, this sounds weird but hear me out. Humans are freaked out by death. I’m not saying I’m any different, just drawing attention to this in hopes of reducing our suffering. Today I’m wondering what life would be like if we could change our relationship with death. The Toltec civilization of Central America considered death an advisor like a friend who gives advice. In this way, Toltecs navigated their lives knowing they were temporary.…
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me Do you remember this nursery rhyme? When I was younger, I believed it. I thought I would rather be yelled at than physically harmed. While I feel lucky to have received more verbal bullying than actual butt-kickings, I’m not so sure the damage was less harmful. As an adult, I realize words have real power and do a lot of harm on…
Are you aware of the stress in your life? Can you FEEL it when stressors are building up and you think you may pop? Do you ever feel like you’re right on the verge of a meltdown? I think most of us are familiar with these scenarios. We can only take so much stress. When I was an ecologist, I had a vision for my life’s work. I planned on studying how aquatic ecosystems resist or…
Are you familiar with Jon Kabat-Zinn? In short, he’s one of the people who has made meditation mainstream. While I generally don’t like words like ‘mainstream’ and ‘conformity’, anything that makes helpful tools more accessible to the masses is good in my book. Known as one of the creators of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), Kabat-Zinn has written a bunch of books and helped teach meditation to all sorts of regular people. This article is inspired…
Have you ever thought about your boundaries? Maybe a therapist told you your boundaries were weak. Or maybe you read something about relationships and how some people might not respect your boundaries. I learned early on that my boundaries are weak. I tend to pay attention to other people’s needs more than my own. Some people in the world will take advantage of this. Many of us struggle to simultaneously love other people while protecting our…
But can lead to bigger problems if misunderstood. How do you feel about terms like, We use these terms to describe when we are not ‘being ourselves’ in the presence of other people. This phenomenon reminds me of a quote attributed to comedian Chris Rock: When you meet somebody for the first time, you’re not meeting them, you’re meeting their representative. So this isn’t something I’m making up, it’s in the human vernacular. It is…
You have to love yourself first, they say. Have you ever been asked if you love yourself? Since the beginning of my healing journey over a decade ago, I have interacted with more than ten counselors, therapists, and coaches. Every single one has asked me if I love myself. Or, they have explained to me that I have to love myself first. You have to love yourself first This could just be my trauma speaking,…
Do you love yourself? I know, it’s an extremely personal question. When a counselor first asked me this question I was taken aback. It’s offensive and puts one in a defensive position. And who likes feeling defensive? But therapy is about healing and I answered as best I could. Again, and again. I’m fairly certain every counselor, therapist, and coach I have worked with has asked me some form of this question. I do love…
The Purpose of Growth Embracing neurodiversity Have you ever felt like everyone understands the rules except for you? Me, too. And I’ve spent over a decade in therapy trying to figure it out. The main reason I sought help from therapists, counselors, and coaches is because I have always felt different. Like everyone else got the ‘Manual to Human Life’ except for me. As a result, I have always felt like an outsider. I think feeling…