How Do You Know You’re OK?

The evidence I was looking for was there all along.

Do you ever beat yourself up?

Can you be your own worst enemy sometimes?

Ever struggle with imposter syndrome?

Feeling not good enough?

Feeling like there’s something wrong with you.

Well, I do those things, too.

And during the decade of various therapies I have often been told that I’m ok.

But I’ve never FELT like I’m ok.

In fact, I have been downright angry about all these people telling me things like:

You’ll be fine.

You’re normal.

You’re ok.

It’s ok to feel that way.

Even though I know they’re trying to help. And knowing, deep down, that they are right.

It hasn’t ever mattered because I have never really BELIEVED them.

I always felt like they were just being nice.

Or trying to help.

Or even trying to get rid of me.

I liken it to when you’re mom tells you your handsome or pretty. Of COURSE they think that, they’re your MOM.

So I have been searching – for over a decade – for an answer that is satisfying.

An explanation that helps me understand the truth.

For something to happen that makes me see the light.

And understand that it’s true.

And now I have.

The reason I am ok. And not wrong. Or broken. Or spoiled. Or damaged. Or selfish. Or needy. Or a snowflake.

The reason I can feel ok about whatever it is I am experiencing.

Is because I am asking the questions.

I am self-aware.

You are trying.

You are growing.

We are making progress.

We care enough about ourselves and each other to try and be better. Separately and together.

For that reason. We are ok.

We are getting better.

We are progressing.

We are enough.

All the evidence we need to let ourselves off the hook is knowing we are trying.

We want to be better people.

And so we are.