KEW Episode 87: What Are You Afraid Of?

If you don’t like this question, you aren’t alone.

Not many people like talking about, much less admitting, what they are afraid of.

But I have found, in my work and over a decade meeting with therapists and coaches, that fear is a HUGE motivator.

It turns out that a lot of our behaviors and beliefs are rooted in fears.

In the Internal Family Systems model, we talk about ‘parts’ of ourselves that are born to reduce these fears.

In other modalities we talk about wearing masks, or that other emotions sit on top of the fear – like anger.

For me, in my personal work, I have found that fear is nearly universal in motivating my old beliefs and the ways I talk to myself.

My monkey mind will beat me up for all sorts of short comings. And this results in anger, guilt, shame, irritation, frustration, and irritation.

I get mad at myself when I feel like I have failed or come up short (or in ‘second place’).

If I can’t get something perfect I often feel ashamed that I’m not good enough.

If someone else is unhappy with me I can feel abandoned and worthless.

But underneath EACH one of those is the fear that I won’t be loved.

The fear that I will be abandoned from my little village (family) and forced to fend for myself. The fear of ego-death, if you will, or simple separation from other people.

In my past work in endangered species management, I was the scientist at a table full of all sorts of other interested parties. There were lawyers, construction workers, developers, politicians, citizens, animal rights people, farmers, anglers – you name it. And each one of them had their own interests; their own wants and needs. And each one of them was passionate about their position.

And they were all DEFENSIVE.

What I saw in these meetings was fear. They were all afraid of losing their particular position and thus, their self interests.

They were all afraid of being hurt.

But no one was willing to admit it. We couldn’t talk about the fear. We were forced to talk about the superficial conflicts.

And you know what? We were never able to resolve anything nor compromise. In short, nothing was ever done. There was no growth. Neither politically or personally.

Talking about fear is a touchy thing. But it doesn’t have to be. We just have to be vulnerable and trust each other.

I’ll go first in this Episode.

Full audio download here: https://pdcn.co/e/https://chtbl.com/track/CGDA9D/www.buzzsprout.com/530563/10182780-kew-episode-87-what-are-you-afraid-of.mp3?download=true

Full video here: https://youtu.be/eWzSHPeyfd8

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